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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
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May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. ~Charles Schulz
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
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Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. ~Jean Paul Richter
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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